The Federal Republic of North Alpinia is a massive, safe nation, ruled by President John Manger with an iron fist, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, keen interest in outer space, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, cynical population of 3.207 billion Alpinians are proud of their wide-ranging civil freedoms, and those who aren't tend to be dragged off the streets by men in dark suits and hustled into cars with tinted windows.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wellaware. The average income tax rate is 45.1%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse North Alpinian economy, worth 307 trillion North Alpinian Dollars a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 95,967 North Alpinian Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

North Alpinia recently hosted the least successful trade negotiations since The Phantom Menace, there's a revolutionary culture in the nation's dairies, teenagers sit around on their butts all day, and retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. North Alpinia's national animal is the Badger, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Protestantism.

North Alpinia is ranked 164,145^th in the world and 179^th in Commonwealth of Liberty for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 50 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.